Almost

New Years is almost here and i can let go of 2009, I guess the dark days led me to some self reflection and decisions. Its interesting how dark it got but i think i needed it to help me come to some realizations. I have come to one major decision and that would take the shape and form of "Where in this world will i spend my New Years Eve next year. I have decided that i will not be working, but i will be somewhere fabulous hopefully in the arms of someone that thinks that i am all that and then some.  In order to do the above mentioned i have alot of work and things to do. I think the darkness and wow was it dark, has helped me find a new route to the light.

So its getting better, whew...

thanks God

Day after Dark

I guess when you are in the blackness of the blackness there is only one option, find some light

2009 XMAS

I wonder if this will pass, if sadness was measured in gallons for today i could fill football stadiums. I am not sure where it stems from but i know it runs deep to my soul. Do i ache from the holidays and the misconstrued attempts by the retail organizations to pushing me to share my love by putting myself in debt or could it be the realization and verbal confirmation by my father that there was not one childhood memory of a holiday that joy or happiness was involved. Do i ache for myself and my soul or do i ache for all those that sit back and realize that they too are sad. Does all this holiday stuff evoke emotions of what never was for most? Is the commercialism a fair representation of days gonna by, or does it stir that anger and sadness of not having the "traditional joy" of family days gone by.

Ok I have arrived

Vast canvass, years of observations stored, what will surface...